The New Girl
by Just Jamus
Summary: There's a new girl on the train... Be warned, there's language and... that's why it's T. Also, it's a parody.


**Disclaimer:** Everyone should know that Harry Potter does not belong to me. The only things that do belong to me are Jimi herself, her panther Gawthika, and I only wish I had her iPod. You can have Jimi if you want. :P

**Note:** This is a parody. That is all. Enjoy.

Jaminiqja Johenkenson turned on her iPod and blared some heavy metal as she boarded the Hogwarts Express. People stared as she sung quietly to My Chemical Romance. She wore black clothes, had on black make-up, and even her hair was black.

"Am I more than you bargained for... Oh, shit, wrong song," she muttered and quickly changed the song. "Fucking Fall Out Boy." Jimi did not acknowledge the fact that she knew Fall Out Boy's songs, the members, or that she was a rabid fan.

Jimi walked along the corridors, her black panther named Gawthika trotting quietly behind her. She sent looks behind her to make sure no fucking preps were staring at her. If she had seen any, Jimi would have given them the bird and then nod her head to the beat of her song angrily.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" roared a blonde devil as he was sent flying when Jimi ran into him.

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking prep," Jimi growled. She gave him the bird and bobbed along angrily to MCR.

"I'm not a prep, you whore, I'm Draco fucking Malfoy," Draco Malfoy bit out. He flicked his long hair to get it out of his eyes. It fell back into his gorgeous grey eyes.

"I'm not a whore, I'm Jaminiqja Johenkenson," Jimi shouted.

A group passed the arguing devils. A boy with shaggy black hair stared at Jimi, a boy with red hair stared at the blonde boy, and two girls were talking together. The red haired girl snorted at Jimi.

"PREPS!" shrieked Jimi, gave them the bird and then bobbed along to her iPod which just happened to be blaring Backstreet Boys. Her eyes widened. "Oh, fuck. Damn stupid fucking fuck of a fucking brother!"

The two girls snorted again and they started to walk away. The two boys followed them. The redhead boy still stared after the blonde when they left, his neck twisted at an odd angle.

"Go fuck a tree, Weasley," Draco called out, swishing his hips at the boy. Weasley's cheeks reddened but he still stared until Jimi could see them no longer. "Fucking fags. Got one?"

Jimi stared at the hot guy. He was lean and sexy and oh-so-emo. "He just left..."

Malfoy stared at the girl. "Oh, you're American," he said slowly. "Listen," he said even slower, "a fag is a cigarette. Dooo yoooou haaaave aaaa faaaag?"

Jimi pursed her lips and refused to allow herself look bad. "Of course, dickwad." She shoved her hands in her hair, searching for a spare cig. "Here," she said, pulling out a cig... 'fag'. "I don't have a..."

"Need a light?" said a husky voice. It was just Draco. He cleared his throat a few times. "Damn. I need to stop smoking." He took the cig from her, lit up his with his wand, then put it between his lips and took a few long drags.

Jimi pursed her lips and bobbed her head along to her iPod. Draco froze and then turned a fraction of an inch so he wasn't facing her completely. People began streaming down the corridor, laughing and pointing at Jimi. Gawthika roared at them but it did no good.

"You've come a long way," said a lone voice. Someone stepped forward. It was one of the girls from earlier. She had brown bushy hair and brown eyes. "Where is it exactly that you come from?"

"America," Jimi said, narrowing her black ringed eyes at the girl. "New York."

"New York," said the girl sarcastically. She went up to Jimi. "Hi, I'm Hermione Granger. I'd like to welcome you aboard the Hogwarts Express." Hermione watched Jimi for a few beats before plunging onward. "There are a few rules here that we, as the student population, would like to let you know."

Her three friends gathered around her. "Oh, this is Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and his little sister Ginny." Hermione cleared her throat. "Let's see... First we'd like to say NO MUGGLE ELECTRONICS ARE ALLOWED," Hermione all but screeched. "They don't WORK and there's a REASON they DON'T work."

Ron smirked at Jimi. "It's one of her favorite sayings." He shushed when Hermione glared at him.

"That... get up of yours will not work at Hogwarts. You can wear make up, but not the whole store."

Jimi's eyes widened in horror. "But how can I... hide... my... zits?"

"Wash your face regularly," Lavender Brown hissed loudly. Parvati Patil broke up into giggles.

"And the final thing." Hermione's grin became wide. "You know how you're becoming so attached to Draco Malfoy? Well, sorry to say, but he's gay."

Jimi turned slowly to face Draco. He was mouthing words to Weasley, swishing his hips like he'd done earlier. Weasley was swishing his hips back. Gawthika even turned away from Jimi.

"How could you?" Jimi moaned, silent tears streaming down her face. The tears mixed with her mascara and they created long trails of black on her face. "How could you?"

Malfoy stopped his swishing and rolled his eyes at Jimi. Weasley stopped his swishing also but started raising his eyebrows and nodding to an empty compartment. After a few mintues of blank stares from Malfoy, he suddenly nodded and the two rushed off to the compartment.

"All of you, you're fucking preps!" Jimi shrieked, her iPod on fullblast. "Fuck you, preps!" she shouted and flipped them the bird.

Unfortunately, or fortunately if you're sane, Jimi nodded so hard along to her Fall Out Boy song that when she moved backwards, she hit her head on the wall. She stumbled and dropped her iPod. Gawthika, her panther, approached her but Jimi tripped over Gawthika and landed at the feet of Hermione, her neck twisted like Ron's had been earlier.

Hermione frowned at the dead Jimi. "That's another one down. Someone get rid of it before it dissolves into the pink sparkly goo again."

"Doubt it'd be pink and sparkly," Harry muttered as he and Ginny tossed Jimi off the train. "It'd probably be black and bleeding, knowing her. Hagrid might like the panther, though."

And so ends another day in the life of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Couldn't-Get-Rid-Of-The-Sues.


End file.
